the human experience, i close my eyes i see grins, tears, anger, love, loss, i see existence. i feel as if my inner rebellion is kicking my morals aside, encouraging me into the direction of open breeze and feeling freedom. my mind is its own prison sometimes and my conscious the inmate. i escape through angst and anxiety, yet i find myself here again. over and over again.
0 Comments
I grabbed your hand and ran under the nearest building, it was starting to sprinkle and we were smiling because we were so afraid of getting soaked because we had kissed in the rain so many times before that.
Oh what i would give to the late nights when all that was open was coffee shops with a homeless man playing saxophone in the front, and we would dance to that because we couldn't afford going to the night clubs. But i wouldn't trade memories for money, or times well spent to spend even more because truly, the wealthiest i ever have ever been was when i was with you; and still i am not sure if it was the view of the lights glimmering against the night sky and stillness of the roads Or if it was the soft crinkle of your eyes when you grinned that i loved to watch the most, you are my home in the city where even if there's a blizzard, your tender heart would keep me warm. And that my dear is love, nothing more. The future, it used to give me such hope when i felt like there wasnt my parents looking into it like a microscope.
The future it gave me such joy to think of the new i would become until all of a sudden everything was about incoming funds. I mean who are they anyway to determine my happiness or fleeting desires? I am the creator of my own destiny my own fate yet everything i want to accomplish everyone seems to hate. Is life a journey or merely a trophy to show off to your friends that hey you didn't turn out so "poor". However, i'd rather be rich in happiness then in materialism and if they nod their heads no at me it'll smile with my middle finger in the air. Because fuck the worlds perspective, i don't care. i tried very hard to fight this feeling, to kick it away. But constantly it pulls me back into its darkness where my eyes can longer see and feelings go away and the emptiness sets in. I am a lost soul searching for somewhere that makes me complete. Still i can't figure myself out, so how can i possibly find myself or anywhere really that will make the perfect puzzle. My poor feet are filled with blisters, tired of running away from my sudden drainage. I have been escaping too long. Too long. And still i have not moved an inch from where i was, i am stuck here don't you see? I am stuck in my thoughts, in the very darkness i long to leave.
|
who i am.the side of me i wish everyone knew archives
May 2017
Categories
|